Monday, May 27, 2013

Reflection on Rowan's birth

He's perfect. Of course he is, right! We came home Saturday night the 11th, the day before Mother's day, having been there since Wednesday. I'm so grateful for my doctor, Karen Zino. Without her "repairing" Rowan's cocoon last year, this moment never would have happened. She's still telling nurses how huge my fibroids were that she took out last year, like an epic fishing tale. "It was THIS big."

Needless to say, the day before our scheduled c-section we were both a bit anxious. I always imagined a calm birthting center experience, soft light, maybe a whirlpool. Acceptance of this route has been a challenge all 9 months, exacerbated by my year of cleaning Operating rooms in Elkhorn while going to repair school. Watching emergencies roll in on occasion and a frantic dad dressing into scrubs in the hallway. I saw first hand that it's not a "no big deal" surgery it's made out to be. I will say that in spite of the trauma of our particular experience, the staff and hospital were wonderful making a c-section as intimate and caring as possible. A nurse took our camera where Doug was not allowed. They are just digital photos, "you can erase the ones that you don't want to see again," she said. I'm glad for them because I was struggling to be in the moment as much as I would have liked, though getting Rowan on my chest while Dr. Zino finished the procedure is quite clear in my head!

We got to the hospital at 5:30 am and began getting prepped in a delivery room where we would go back to to recover for 2 hours if all went normally...4 or 5 for us, it turned out, to stabilize a bit longer. We got monitors attached to listen to Rowan. Perfect heartbeat! I got an IV installed (after 3 or 4 attempts, very uncooperative veins that morning, turns out), had blood drawn, etc. Doug got his scrubs to put on while they took me in alone to begin the epidural spinal block. Honestly this was a part I was quite anxious about, but the anestesiologist  was great (lived in Neenah, WI years ago) it wasn't that bad but it kicks in fast and starts numbing in seconds and the surgical staff maneuvered me as needed, and began testing to see what I could feel. It was a complex sensation of understanding pressure and tugging but missing skin sensation, yet feeling like my toes were buzzing. Simultaneously I was prepped about feeling nauseous by the anestesiologist and told  to voice my sensations. Doug was led in and they started...thank God  they began with out telling me. After a minute I asked if they were starting soon and they said they were in, so I could could stop fretting that I might not be numb.

Nausea kicked in immediately, he ran something into the IV which kicked in quickly and lasted about 5 minutes each time. The anterior placenta was the source of our drama. She had to cut through it first to get to the placenta which can add some blood loss usually 700-800cc.

I lost 2500cc they estimated, 3 liters. I had no idea this was happening thanks to everyone staying calm...in retrospect, it explains the frantic pace the anestesiologist  was trying to put in another IV (again, with the uncooperative veins, 4 attempts later...) I felt my hearing change and my vision become TV static. My mantra was, "don't throw up don't pass out." What a fun birth memory. I was coached to breathe deeply, given more nausea medication. I felt pushing and pulling and deep pressure, and faintly remember hearing my doctor ask over the curtain what my vitals were, "she's breathing really hard"...hearing the nurse with our camera ask my doctor a question, her responding, " I can't talk now." She told me later that my heart rate was up to 120 beats per minute to compensate for the dropping blood pressure . Eventually we heard Rowan come out "sounding like a peacock" according to Dr. Zino. He got a 9.9 of 10 on the APGAR score which was a relief, since it turned out I required the extra intervention. He was put on my chest for I'm not sure how long...my scale of time that morning is confusing. I was in the operating room for about 1 1/2 hours, I believe. Eventually Doug was lead out and they transferred  me oddly limp into the bed for the recovery where Dr. Zino explained what happened and I was monitored for what seemed like forever as Doug went with Rowan to the nursery...meanwhile it seemed every staff member who'd ever lived in WI came in just to say Hi, I still don't remember how it came up that I was from WI.

We got our room in the maternity floor, the same room as last year's surgery!! We settled in and the nurse helped situate me to try our first breast feeding. I was tethered to the bed for 24 hrs, catheter, IV etc. trying to even out. Dr. Zino came in to talk through the surgery and talk about the possibility of a transfusion depending on the  next day when I would be asked to stand up. She explained that earlier that week she performed a c-section where the baby came out with his tiny hand covering his face, a reminder, she said, that you can never rush to take a baby out, you never know what delicate part is directly under the knife, which is why when I started to loose so much blood and instinct wants to move a little faster to get in and take the little guy out, you have to weigh the consequences of which trauma is more fixable: a possible blood transfusion on a "youngish" healthy woman or re-attach a baby finger.

The next day was rough, no blood, no energy, feeling like passing out each time trying to stand, more blood work to see if a transfusion was in order. I looked like a vampire and was puffed up with fluid and had an IV hook-up on both arms along with the 8-10 other bruises from pricks in the last 48 hours. Dr. Zino came by that evening  to give us the pros and cons of electing the transfusion. There is always a tiny risk of a blood born disease, but I would feel much better...it could take months to fully regain my hemoglobin level, etc. By the last day we decided against it. I was tired and slow, but not feeling like passing out. In fact we escaped one day early, 4 days total.

The last order of business is getting my scar to fully heal...just hasn't wanted to close up fully in the middle. We've been in twice for some minor wound care, and I think we've turned the corner finally!

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